The first movie Alan Arkin directed was Little Murders. It's based on a play, so it's somewhat talkie, but the dialogue itself is very entertaining. Take this scene in which Alfred, a nihilist, meets the family of Patsy, his optimistic girlfriend.

MRS. NEWQUIST:

Exactly what sort of work do you do?

ALFRED

Oh, it's very complicated. You don't really want to know.


PATSY

You may as well....


ALFRED

Well, I began as a commercial photographer.


PATSY

He began as a painter.


ALFRED

Oh, I was a bad painter.


PATSY

Says you!


MR. NEWQUIST

Jesus Christ, would you let the boy finish? (Looking at his wife.) Well?



ALFRED

I began as a commercial photographer and was doing sort of well at it.


PATSY

Sort of well? You should see his portfolio. He has work in Holiday, Esquire, The New Yorker, Vogue...


MR. NEWQUIST

Vogue?


KENNY NEWQUIST (with mock excitement)

Woo! Woo!



ALFRED

It's an overrated business. But after a couple of years of doing sort of well at it, things began to go wrong. I began losing my people. Somehow I got my heads chopped off. Or out of focus. Or terrible expressions on my models. I'd have them examining a client's product like this.

Like that. A face would be really ... The agencies began to wonder if I didn't have some editorial motive in mind.

Suddenly the apartment shakes from a small earthquake, as though expressing the anger that the Gods of Advertising harbored against Albert.

ALBERT (cont.)

Which was not true, but once they planted the idea.

The lights in the apartment go out.

MRS. NEWQUIET

Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt, dear. How far better it is to strike a match than curse the darkness -- my mother always told us that ... Go on, dear.

ALBERT

Well, my career suffered but there was nothing I could do about it. You see, the harder I tried to straighten out, the fuzzier my people got, and the clearer my objects. Soon my people disappeared entirely. They just somehow never came out. But the objects I was shooting ...

... brilliantly clear. So I began to do a lot of catalog work.

The lights come on again.

ALBERT (cont.)

Pictures of medical instruments -- things like that. It was boring but it kept me alive. (Takes a deep breath.) I suppose the real break came with the SEM show. They had me shoot thirty of their new models. They hired a gallery and put on a computer show. One hundred and twenty color pictures of computers! It got some very strange notices, the upshot of which was that the advertising business went thing crazy and I became commercial again.


MRS. NEWQUIST

You must be extremely talented.


ALBERT

I got sick of it. Where the hell are standards? That's what I kept asking myself. I mean those people will take anything. Hell, if I give them a picture of shit, they'll probably give me an award for it.


MRS. NEWQUIST

Language, young man.

ALBERT

So that's what I do now.


(Silence.)


MR. NEWQUIST

What?


ALBERT

Take pictures of shit.

Ah, the Presidential Inauguration of 2001; I remember it well. It was a new beginning for a nation. The Mall hummed with hope and good cheer. So much potential! So many possibilities!

If only George W. Bush had the vision and courage at the time to give the following speech:

My fellow Americans, the United States of America is and has always been the land of opportunity. From all over the world, immigrants come to America full of hope, looking forward to a future that exists in their hearts, a future that America will allow them to create with the determination of their hands and the ingenuity of their minds. The people of our beloved country were blessed with that opportunity at the birth of this great nation, thanks to the wisdom of our founding fathers and the Grace of our Lord. It is my wish that we will continue to enjoy this opportunity. Therefore, I will not take the Oath of the Office of the President of the United States of America. I'm just not cut out for it. I was thinking, maybe I'll shoot for Baseball Commissioner instead. Thank you and God bless America.

There were different things about Christmas this year. It was Mom and Bob's first Christmas in their new house in Loveland. And for the first time I met Heather, my first step sister (first sister of any kind, actually, and who happens to have wicked Scattergories kung fu, so watch out), and her daughter Katie. Without further ado, the photos....

The cute and imaginative Katie looking adorable in front of the tree.



Looking even adorabler.



With her excellent mom, Heather.



Peeking!



And all of the above plus Mom and Bob.



Happy New Year, everybody!